What's Wrong With Me?

It's almost 4:00 a.m., and I have tossed and turned for almost 4 hours now, sleep has eluded me for most of this entire night. I have not been able to get eternity out of my mind. I have not been able to stop thinking that Jesus could return this very night. I have not been able to able to stop pondering the day that has past, asking the Lord how I could have served Him better, and asking Him to please give me another opportunity to do better tomorrow. I have confessed my sins of this past day and pleaded the blood of Jesus over them...sins of thought, word, and deed...both of commission and omission. The scripture runs through my mind tonight over and over, "Watch, therefore, for you do not know at what hour your master will return...", and I examine my heart over and over to make sure I'd be ready, that the oil in my "lamp" is filled for His coming. I have visions of angels and elders worshiping around the throne of God and I sing quietly with them (so as to not wake my wife as she sleeps), "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord. Worthy is the Lamb!". I weep before Him without even knowing why...I just know I'm in His presence and I don't want to leave. No, I don't even want to go to sleep and miss any of this.

What is wrong with me? Is any of this normal? I would have to say that it is definitely not! There is something stirring inside of me that is telling me that God is up to something. There is a move of God coming that is going to shake first the Church, then the world. I say that it will shake the Church because the Church, for the most part, IS SLEEPING!...which is what would be considered completely normal in today's world. Perhaps that's why I CAN'T sleep. I wrote yesterday that, "there must be more than just the same church as usual Sunday after Sunday ritual of 'going to church' and calling it an 'encounter with God'". But it's the "normal-ness" of the Church that is what's wrong in God's eyes and in His heart. We have lost our passion. We aren't kept awake through the night anymore by His Spirit, and it consequently doesn't flow over into our worship services either. We've grown cold to the desires of His heart and seek only what is on our own hearts with our own agendas. This has become "normal" for us. We dole out time for God more strictly than we do for the Yankees or for the Giants or even for Desperate Housewives, and the church service better not go even one minute longer than it's supposed to (or I'll just get up and leave if I have to)! We sit in the "overflow" even when there is still plenty of room in the main sanctuary...what's with that? Why not just stay home and watch the podcast? We have lost the passion of the Spirit. We don't cry out for God anymore. Our services are way too orderly and dignified. Our prayers and sermons are so carefully scripted and timed to the minute and never deviate from the script that the Holy Spirit couldn't get a word in edge-wise even if He showed up in person to do so.

What's wrong with me? Why does all of this bother me so? Why is my spirit so unsettled with all of this? Why am I so abnormal from the majority?

I cannot help the fact that the Lord is revealing all of this to me and convicting me of all of these things about the Church in general. The old sayings certainly fit here..."Don't stone the messenger", and, "If the shoe fits, wear it." I know it is not a popular thing to write all of this. It's not politically correct. But then, neither were the prophets of old. Neither were the apostles who spoke what the Lord revealed in their hearts. I guess, then, neither am I politically correct. Church was never meant to be a politically correct, comfortable place, yet that is what we have made it to be. I am convinced that the term "seeker sensitive" was introduced in the church by the enemy himself as a device of major deception to get our focus off of the true reasons for gathering together as the body of Christ. We are to stir ourselves up in the Spirit, to fervently and intimately worship the Lord corporately in spirit and truth, and be stirred, challenged to repent, grow, mature, and urgently be ready for Christ's imminent return. We are then to be charged with the urgent responsibility of going into the world with this gospel of God's love to spread His Kingdom to others. We are to expect nothing less than revival, the shekinah glory of the Lord to fill the house, every time we gather together. We are to leave church saying, "do we have to leave already? Can't we stay for another hour?", rather than, "isn't it time to go yet?" Does this sound like what you experience week after week in church? Is undignified revival breaking out on a regular basis? Or is there more emphasis on quieting and removing any distractions?

What's wrong with me? I still can't go to sleep. This stuff still won't leave me alone. Lord, send REVIVAL anyway and mess all up all of our dignified, keep people happy, order of services! Let it be a Holy Ghost spontaneous church that lasts for DAYS and WEEKS at a time, round-the-clock, without one minute of it being scripted! Mess us up good, Lord. Amen!